Blendy's Hottest Home Baker Announcement
January 25 2013 - Breaking News
In shock baking news today, it has been confirmed that Blendy has not made the cast of Season 4 of Chelsea New Zealand's Hottest Home Baker.
Despite making it through the initial selection round, as well as an exceptionally memorable audition, the standard of bakers this year was apparently extremely high and unfortunately Blendy didn't rise to the occasion.
"You could have called me butter, because I was sure I was on a roll, but you know what they say - that's just the way the cookie crumbles," lamented Blendy as she munched on a Chelsea branded Lemon Macaron she invented.
Blendy's three audition bakes were truly Blenderiffic - and perhaps a little too much for NZ tv viewers.
Her signature chocolate and coffee cupcakes with pink marshmallow frosting even contained Blendy branded coffee from Japan.
"So these are kind of literally my signature cupcakes!" Blendy punned in the audition as she held up a box of Blendy coffee in a perfect product placement.
Savoury baking is not Blendy's strongest area, but as it was compulsory, she made quiche cupcakes.
"Obviously alliteration is critical in naming a product, and quiche cupcakes have that alliteration sound... but if it was going to be written, I would need a team of linguists to help work out if both words started with a 'qu', in which case, Blendy logic suggests two 'u's' together is replaced with a 'w'." *
Blendy's ultimate audition baking was revealed from a mystery box in true reality show style, and came in the intriguing form of Unicorn Poo. These are biscuits made of rainbows and all the sparkles available.
"It's a little known fact that Unicorn Poo is rainbow and sparkly because Unicorns feed on all our unfulfilled hopes and dreams," Blendy explained matter-of-factly to the shocked and amused casting director before launching into the black market economics surrounding the harvesting of unicorn poo in the wild.
Her carefully crafted combination of perceived reality show appeal - some actually good baking, with an engaging personality, hot-home-baker look and puntastic jokes, mixed with a sprinkling of crazy - must have provided some highly entertaining audition snippets for Episode 1 at the very least. Presumably the contestants who made it through managed to master these three skills to a significantly higher level.
However in one final glimmer of hope for Blendy's fading reality show opportunity, she has been invited to apply for the Bake Off for the last remaining place on the show on February 7. The heat will be on, and the proof will be in the pudding.
"I would just like to thank all my friends who have supported me through this amazing journey - you've eaten my practice baking, given me lots of love, shared hints and tips with me, and you have really boosted my self-confidence. I will bake for you any time. Thank you!"
Blendy is accepting offers of shoulders to cry on.
*this discussion did not actually take place in the audition, but was certainly considered.
More of me: @blendy